I’ve been thinking recently about how passionate I used to be when it came to traditional art and scenic work. It’s been years since I’ve drawn, so I don’t have the spatial awareness or even attention span for it, though I think it’s just through a new lack of interest as over my high school years, I became more and more focused on theatre.

Back then I thought I wanted to be an actress, and I worked my ass off every day in class and for every production we did. I was good—really good, even, by the end of my junior year. By the time my senior year ended, though, I decided I wanted to try film.

I think it’s one of the best decisions I’d ever made, and also one of the hardest. I spent my freshmen year going back and forth on whether I should stick to acting or continue with learning this new medium. I had good dramatic writing and directing experience through theatre, but moving to media production made me question what it was I really wanted. I didn’t even think I could be good at it.

Fast forward to now, almost 4 years have passed since I’ve acted onstage, and I could never comfortably say I’m good at acting now. But I realize I’m only really good at something if I want to do it, if I’m passionate enough to put in all my effort and love into my work. Maybe someday I could venture back into acting or drawing or scenic work/set dressing. I think I should find some hobbies besides consuming art. Film isn’t just a hobby for me. I want to screenwrite, direct, and produce for life.

Despite this, I’m grateful to have my past experiences in other arts, and they still affect and help me now as a beginner filmmaker. I was reminded of all my past interests because of this photo. This is the wall by my bed inside my dorm. It reminds me of the collage work and set design I used to do. I look back on it happily, nostalgically, but I still move forward.

 

 

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