My last post was inspired by a meme I came across and I wanted to share.
I’ve always known I’d pursue film in some capacity, I just didn’t know when or how.
A few years ago I attended a training workshop for my part-time teller job. As an ice breaker, the host asked us what our favorite childhood toy was and I had to text my mom to ask her because I couldn’t seem to remember. Not because I couldn’t decide, but because the only recollection I had of entertainment didn’t include toys. In no time at all she responded, confirming the memories I was immediately brought to:
I didn’t have any.
Since childhood, what I loved most was watching movies. Piles of VHS tapes would litter our living room floor no matter how many times my mom would try and put them away. Sometimes the cases would be my toys. I’d build castles out of my favorite films as I waited for the tape to rewind so I could watch again.
And again. And again.
As I mentioned in the last post, theatre is where I started (production-wise), but movies were always my hobby. That’s not to say I’ve watched all of the important ones, or even the really popular ones; I’m actually quite embarrassed of how few “influential” films I’ve seen. However, if I wanted to do something that would make me happy (that wasn’t working near a stage), it was indulging in the filmic escape.
Somewhere along all those years of feeling movies – feeling them more than anyone else I knew – connecting to them, attaching myself to them, I knew it was all I wanted to do. I knew it was something I needed to be a part of.
Those closest to me often wonder what part of my brain it is that makes me strangely weak. I’m unnaturally sentimental and hyper-sensitive when it comes to cinematic media. When trying to put it plainly for those who haven’t been able to observe this peculiarity in me, I explain that I’ve cried watching a Windex commercial and it’s highly in-character of me to do. The feeling you get in your chest when you fight back tears is all too familiar for me when I’m watching something (almost anything) meant to evoke even a little emotion.
I don’t think that’s normal, but it propels me further into this passion of mine. If anyone else were to feel even an ounce of that feeling, and I were able to be a part of what created that, it’d be quite humbling. So onward I go: learning, absorbing, and loving every moment of the filmmaking process.
Cameras, lenses, perspectives, frames, and whatever else I need to understand in order to fully embrace the medium is what I’ll do. No matter how foreign it has at one point seemed to me, it has always been a part of what brings each film life. The beauty in each picture and how it contributes to the story is insurmountable, and is therefore of significant interest to me as I discover more about filmmaking.
Once in a while I think back to a time when I had no idea what cinematography (cinnamon tography) was or how it would affect me, just that I could be mesmerized by what I was seeing, even if I didn’t understand the movie.