Thoughts, just thoughts

Recently, I have felt like I have been losing my fucking mind. I do not think I am at my prime mental health. So to correct course I did something that I haven’t done in a really long time. I reflected on my situation and my current stance in life. Part of the journey involved me asking myself why I have been failing myself for so long. I haven’t really considered myself an artist up until now; and therein lies the problem. I have found myself – yet the transformation from student to artist is a bit jarring. What I found was that I have been phoning it in because I haven’t really considered myself the latter. On top of that it is kind of hard to be an artist 100% at this point in time. I need a job to pay my bills and currently that is interfering with the time needed to fully invest in my projects – this would make me 50% artist and 50% employee. At the same time, that same job that is interfering also provides the much needed income that I need to buy the minimal gear I need to fulfill my vision. School provides a great place to create; there are many other talented artists and minds to learn from and grow. As of now, I need to use the little bit of runway that I have left to continue to mature and create. I’ve cut out many distractions now, I got rid of my console even though I consider video games to be great forms of art through which stories are told. It sucks but if anything is detrimental to my career from now on I will be cutting it completely out. There will be more bumps on the road I’m sure but as long as I keep a positive outlook and start to slowly add percentage points to my craft I think I’ll be fine.

And yes I’m fine don’t worry. The self reflection sorted out a lot. I am in a way better place than I was before.